Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
