I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize