and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
