I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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