so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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