What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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