I wish I could teleport
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
