just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Congratulations! We have a period
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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