How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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