It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
