okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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