You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
