the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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