and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
