you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
