You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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