So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
