tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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