i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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