i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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