Who did Billy Mays play for?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
