Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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