I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
