I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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