EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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