I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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