You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
