I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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