If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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