So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
