i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
