I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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