the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
