He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize