im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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