Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
