Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
