Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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