It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
