Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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