Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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