Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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