also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
