Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
