I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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