if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize