Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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