Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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