Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
