If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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