I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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