Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I fill condoms, not promises.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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