omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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