too bad you live with your parents still
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
