I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
