Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
