Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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