still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
