so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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