Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
