My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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