Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
