you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
