I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
