I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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