I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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