remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
