Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
