I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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