Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
this is an emotional support booty call
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
