Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
