If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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